Top story: Behind every Bachmann-related tweet today, you can hear the champagne cork popping.
- “BREAKING: Michele Bachmann says she won’t run for another term in the U.S. House, as she was unable to pray the federal investigations away.” (Gabby Birkman)
- You can watch the video here. (NBC News)
- Bachmann’s appearance in the video is best described as “wearing a purple suit made entirely of grape Fruit Roll-ups.” (Downtown John Brown)
- “Bachmann retirement video is…interesting. The closest thing I can compare it to is Delta’s in-flight safety video.” (Matt Lewis)
- The Washington Post Book World’s Fiction editor has advice for those mourning the retirement of a literary lion. (Ron Charles)
- There are also the requisite Marcus Bachmann zingers: “Now Marcus Bachmann can come out of retirement.” (Lizz Winstead)
- “Marcus Bachmann leaving politics just in time for Bear Week.” (Mo Rocca)
- “Michele Bachmann is leaving Congress to spend more time with her husband Marcus, and his new chauffeur Scott Thorson.” (John Fugelsang)
- TV’s Frank from “Mystery Science Theater 3000” says don’t expect the bat-guano smell of the GOP to change. (Frank Conniff)
- Of course, let’s not forget her Politifact history: 15 Pants on Fire statements and 21 False. (Politifact)
- “Fact-checkers, copy editors saddened by Michele Bachmann’s retirement.” (Kelly McBride)
- And let’s also not forget that only four GOP House members ran further behind Romney in their districts in 2012 than Bachmann. (Kyle Kondik)
- Grammarians may also rejoice in Bachmann’s retirement. (Jon Ralston)
- “Michele Bachmann says she won’t run for re-election, has plans to freak neighborhood kids out with eyes.” (College Humor)
- “For a movement that exists to call other people “lazy,” Tea Party leaders are sure fond of early retirement.” (LOLGOP)
- “First Sarah Palin, now Michelle Bachmann–where’s the crazy woman with staying power?” (Harry Shearer)
- So what does Michele Bachmann do for $$$ in retirement? Well, does this sound familiar? “Hello, I’m Michele Bachmann. Have you ever considered a reverse mortgage….” (David Corn)
- So who assumes the mantle of Tea Party Caucus chair in the House? “Louie Gohmert and Steve King will now battle for Mayor of Crazytown in Thunderdome, with Bachmann hanging on the cage like Tina Turner.” (PourMeCoffee)
John Flowers