LinkedIn Influencer Mika Brzezinski published this post originally on LinkedIn.
Every January, someone will inevitably ask you, “So what is your resolution for the New Year?” While I have built my brand around encouraging women to be consciously growing themselves (and their value) all year, I do like the idea of taking a step back at the start of the new year with fresh eyes and asking, “What can I do better?”
This year, my resolution is to stop people pleasing … across the board. At home. At work. EVERYWHERE! In my upcoming book, Grow Your Value, I explain why it is impossible to increase your worth if you constantly worry about “pleasing” the people around you, saying only what they want to hear and taking the responsibility for the happiness of everyone in the room.
The blunt truth is that if you are trying to be all things to all people all the time, you will never be able to leave a solid impression on anyone. If you keep it up, ultimately, you will be seen as a phony … someone who is not to be trusted or taken seriously because you do not take yourself seriously. People can usually sense an acting job, and this will only serve to make them uneasy and unsure about what your true motives and intentions are. At best, you will not be seen by others as a serious person; at worst, you will be seen as untrustworthy and hollow. Also, people pleasing will run you ragged.
I am a people pleaser, and I am run ragged, constantly taken advantage of by the very people I try to please—NO MORE! This year, I am focusing on being the best version of myself. One who knows her value, continues to grow it, and worries only about sharing the true, authentic version of herself.
This is especially important, as I have learned with children. I am always feeling quilty and anxious where my kids are concerned, so when they criticize me, I become the mother of all people-pleasers, and the people I’m trying to dance hardest for are my two daughters. It’s understandable that my children wouldn’t want to interact with that people-pleasing version of their“mom”, always so remorseful about the demands of my job. That stops now.
Being authentically “me” with them is an important part of establishing real, adult relationships with them as they get older. My being super-charged by the concept of women “Knowing Their Value” will only enrich my relationships. And it certainly will enhance the Know Your Value message if I live by this rule. No more people pleasing anymore!
Mika Brzezinski is the co-host of MS NOW's Morning Joe, founder of “Know Your Value” and author of four best-selling books, including “EARN IT!: Know Your Value and Grow Your Career, in Your 20s and Beyond” (Hachette Books; May 7, 2019) with co-author Daniela Pierre-Bravo. Prior to joining MSNBC in 2007, Mika was an anchor of CBS Evening News Weekend Edition and a CBS News correspondent who frequently contributed to CBS Sunday Morning and 60 Minutes.